Post by Jack Sparrow on Sept 30, 2003 13:50:06 GMT -5
While shifting through papers in a kitchen you come across a aged brown bit of paper. On it are these faded words....
Ingredients:
5 cups of adventure (add more as needed)
A dash or ten of ego (the more the better)
7 tea spoons of a good heart (tea spoons, remember, not table spoons. Can't have him to rightous)
9 bottles of cheap tavern quality alcohol (rum preferably, but whiskey or ale may be used instead. Rum just gives final product a kick.)
One cursed gold medallion (Sliver can be used as well...gold just looks better. or you can take this out completly...it's up to you)
A sword....(try not to use anything fancy. Unless you want a Commodore on accident.)
1 loose shirt
1 pair of chunky boots
1 faded pair of pants.
1 brightly colored bandana
1 belt (preferably thick with large chunky designs)
A pistol with one shot
½ cup of gold teeth
A dash of dirt
5 cups of agility
4 cups of strength
6 ½ cups of smart arsed remarks
8 cups of brilliance (madness may be substituted)
3 tea spoons of luck
Directions:
Mix the good heart, adventure, smart arsed remarks, brilliance, luck, gold teeth, dirt, agility, strength, and cheap alcohol into a bowl and stir until well blended. This will give your pirate a somewhat drunken personality.
Don't worry the staggering and the invasion of personal space is normal in this case. However, if you find you want a saner (PARTY POOPER!) pirate....remove two of those bottles of rum. If you would prefer a colder and more heartless result, remove the cheap alcohol and add six bottles of excellent wine and a really big hat. (The ones with really large feathers work very well) Also be sure to take out all of the good heart.
Once the ingredients are blended, pour them into a pan and take it aboard a ship, preferably one with black sails and a catchy name. Let the pan sit on deck for three days and three nights, till all manner of crewmen become acclimated to its presence. Try to keep this pan away from the edge of the deck, as said growing pirate might fall over board. They have a tendancy to do things like that. On the fourth morning, rope a couple of turtles, command them to take the mixture into the galley and bake it at approximately the temperature of the sand on a godforsaken island. Now this is a tricky part. If you wish your pirate to be a bit "unhinged" leave the mixture inside said temperature oven for three days or more. If not, take it out after a day and a night.
When it’s done, pull your pirate out and dress him in the clothing provided. Make sure he adds his own little trinkets as well. Now to make sure the pirate is fully functioning slap him really hard across the face once and see if you get a response. The proper response will be something along the lines of: "I don't think I deserved that." If the message is somewhat garbled, add a bit more rum and repeat process.
Next give him his sword, medallion, and pistol, and send him off to a tavern for a few nights. He’ll need a name, something that will be remebered forever! Just don't give him something that he'll get laughed at for. No need to tramatize him to much. Make sure he properly raids, pillages, and plunders a town. A small one to begin with....
Once he's had a few sucessful raids, be sure he can sing properly, and teach him a witty little song. Be sure the lyrics include rum and treasure. Then get him a tattoo...or five.
Over time, he may develop a swagger or habit of shouting random words such as "savvy" to his vocabulary. This normal happens if he'd left out in the sun for extended periods of time, or he's had to much rum. But don't worry to much about it. He's still good. Enjoy.
Drink up me hearties yo ho!
I got this idea from a joke my cousin made about "How to make a elf" and took it from there....was a lot of fun. Enjoy maties
Ingredients:
5 cups of adventure (add more as needed)
A dash or ten of ego (the more the better)
7 tea spoons of a good heart (tea spoons, remember, not table spoons. Can't have him to rightous)
9 bottles of cheap tavern quality alcohol (rum preferably, but whiskey or ale may be used instead. Rum just gives final product a kick.)
One cursed gold medallion (Sliver can be used as well...gold just looks better. or you can take this out completly...it's up to you)
A sword....(try not to use anything fancy. Unless you want a Commodore on accident.)
1 loose shirt
1 pair of chunky boots
1 faded pair of pants.
1 brightly colored bandana
1 belt (preferably thick with large chunky designs)
A pistol with one shot
½ cup of gold teeth
A dash of dirt
5 cups of agility
4 cups of strength
6 ½ cups of smart arsed remarks
8 cups of brilliance (madness may be substituted)
3 tea spoons of luck
Directions:
Mix the good heart, adventure, smart arsed remarks, brilliance, luck, gold teeth, dirt, agility, strength, and cheap alcohol into a bowl and stir until well blended. This will give your pirate a somewhat drunken personality.
Don't worry the staggering and the invasion of personal space is normal in this case. However, if you find you want a saner (PARTY POOPER!) pirate....remove two of those bottles of rum. If you would prefer a colder and more heartless result, remove the cheap alcohol and add six bottles of excellent wine and a really big hat. (The ones with really large feathers work very well) Also be sure to take out all of the good heart.
Once the ingredients are blended, pour them into a pan and take it aboard a ship, preferably one with black sails and a catchy name. Let the pan sit on deck for three days and three nights, till all manner of crewmen become acclimated to its presence. Try to keep this pan away from the edge of the deck, as said growing pirate might fall over board. They have a tendancy to do things like that. On the fourth morning, rope a couple of turtles, command them to take the mixture into the galley and bake it at approximately the temperature of the sand on a godforsaken island. Now this is a tricky part. If you wish your pirate to be a bit "unhinged" leave the mixture inside said temperature oven for three days or more. If not, take it out after a day and a night.
When it’s done, pull your pirate out and dress him in the clothing provided. Make sure he adds his own little trinkets as well. Now to make sure the pirate is fully functioning slap him really hard across the face once and see if you get a response. The proper response will be something along the lines of: "I don't think I deserved that." If the message is somewhat garbled, add a bit more rum and repeat process.
Next give him his sword, medallion, and pistol, and send him off to a tavern for a few nights. He’ll need a name, something that will be remebered forever! Just don't give him something that he'll get laughed at for. No need to tramatize him to much. Make sure he properly raids, pillages, and plunders a town. A small one to begin with....
Once he's had a few sucessful raids, be sure he can sing properly, and teach him a witty little song. Be sure the lyrics include rum and treasure. Then get him a tattoo...or five.
Over time, he may develop a swagger or habit of shouting random words such as "savvy" to his vocabulary. This normal happens if he'd left out in the sun for extended periods of time, or he's had to much rum. But don't worry to much about it. He's still good. Enjoy.
Drink up me hearties yo ho!
I got this idea from a joke my cousin made about "How to make a elf" and took it from there....was a lot of fun. Enjoy maties
* SCare us off? how on earth do you possibly think ye managed that? besides I find the whole thing entirely entertaining. I especially like the last one (oh and the slap him and await proper reaction in the first one *grins*)
